Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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