it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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