You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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