can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize