He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
