I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
