I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
