I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
