bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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