You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Randomize
