Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
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