saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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