I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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