I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
