i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
