Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
