this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
