Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Randomize
