why didn't you poke me back
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
