I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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