so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
she told me i tasted like america
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
