So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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