I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
