I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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