i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
