I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
