Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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