I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Randomize
