A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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