His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
