Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
