i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
