I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize