Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
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