so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
