dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
