Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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