I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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