The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
operation harelip BJ is a go
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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