I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
