I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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