she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
