if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
