why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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