i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i was born a porn star she said
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
