literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I have fence marks all over my body
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
