is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize