Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
All the doctor said was why
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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