So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
