That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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