watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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