it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
