I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
That accounts for only three of the penises
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize
