I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize