Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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