We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
