omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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