Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
A bitchslap is in order.
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