I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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