When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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