The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
