That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize