dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I just blew my weed a kiss
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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