i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
