What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
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