tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
