I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
