with your own penis?
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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